Negative outlook

About three ago, my life was pretty hectic. Apart from my demanding day job, I was studying in college at night and had some creative hobbies related to music and literature that could easily drain me of whatever energy and resources I might still have left. On top of all this, I just had to find some tiny parcel of spare time to spend with my family, friends and a loving girlfriend who would, of course, be neglected during the whole process.

This went on for months on end, and at some point I began to adopt a very negative outlook on my situation and on life in general, really. Questions like "is it worth it?" and "why don't I just disappear?" cropped up too often when I had some minutes to myself. I was just really down. Naturally, it took an illness - nothing too serious, though - for me to realize my life was not just full, it was full of good things. I only had to enjoy them with less pressure, do them just for the sake of it.

This especially applies to my artistic hobbies, but I also noticed my day job had become a chore, and could still remember a time when that too was a work of passion. Basically, I convinced myself to enjoy everything I did, every moment I would spend with my loved ones and even those lonely hours at the end of the night.

I had to take it easy, of course, and handle everything at a slower pace, but that approach allowed me to really give value to every second of my life. And it all fell into place, eventually. Every deadline was met, I enjoyed myself, laughed and made others happy too. I learned to allow myself to live, not as a machine with some programmed purpose, but as a full, sentient, sensitive human being.