Make time for yourself, the way forward

by Andy Mann
(Farnham, England)

Like many others I have had my difficult times especially around the time of 2002 to 2004. These two years stripped me bare of almost everything I had. They were tough times financially and materially as I had been the recipient of unbridled treachery firstly by a trusted colleuge within a corporation and secondly by my step brother in a failed business deal shortly after.

In itself it wasn’t a problem money can be earned and you can sort out other work. However the problem was that I had been hurt to the core of my being. Apart from being financially broke I was broken emotionally, mentally and spiritually and finally when I had Diabetes confirmed, Physically.

By mid 2004 when I reached my lowest ebb having sunk into the depths of depression. Being a proud alpha male of the British stiff upper lip variety, to seek help from another was unthinkable. I felt the weight of the whole World on my shoulders and could see no way out. Although happily married and being a “Tough” male I wasn’t talking to anyone including my Wife.

One sunny spring morning sitting alone on my patio I could hardly bear the pain inside and began to move restlessly around firstly in the Garden and then the House. Feeling an unbearable pressure inside I didn’t know what to do. Fearing my sanity I could not hold a thought for any length of time and I was pacing up and down like a distressed animal.
Finally I stood in front of my Bookshelf I looked at the volumes of wisdom that I had once devoured so hungrily.

Having once been a student of personal development back in the early nineties I had been drawn back into the world of work and money thinking only of raising my family and the responsibilities that I accrued.

As these thoughts of a forgotten life flashed into my mind I picked up a book and on the cover, smililing like the Sun was a picture of his holiness the Dalai Lama.
Like a spear piercing my soul I began to cry. I don’t mean a little tear in the corner of your eye like you get when Dumbo’s Mum sang baby mine. I mean I cried from the very depths of my Heart. All the pain and agony came forth in a torrent of suppressed emotion.

Continuing for several minutes I finally got a grip and composed myself. Returning to the Garden with a fresh cup of tea which is the English answer to most problems, I took stock of what just happened.
Feeling a calmness that had been missing for over a decade I could see what had happened with great clarity.

I had totally ignored my inner life in the pursuit of a career and household concerns. I realised that this lifestyle is ok until a storm hits. When the inevitable disruption to a carefully organised life occurs as it always does if you are of the Human species, you need those inner resources and a sense of perspective to cope and maintain stability.

From that day to this I have made sure that I never stray from the path ever again. On a material level it took me years to get over the mess that I was in but my inner life went from strength to strength.

Fast forward the present day I still work but also I spend my time helping others through Meridian energy therapy and Reiki. But always making a little time everyday for myself, because as the Buddhist saying goes “ A drowning Man cannot save another.
This is the lesson I learned from those fateful times and now enjoy a deep peace that stays with me whatever the conditions around me.

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