about my marriage
(using positive thinking and affirmations in a troubled relationship)

by veena
(Bangalore)

Your Question:

I am from Bangalore and i was having a affair with one guy. he was really good and after 2 years he changed a lot and said he is not going to marry me. i dint event no the reason for that. Now also he calls from different mobiles he loves me a lot but doesn’t want to marry me. we went physically also. now i am going depressed and really want him to come back and i am praying god everyday. I know that prayer power really will work out. now how to affirm for this and think positive in this relation. please answer


My Answer:

Veena,

Because of the language difference I may not be reading your question correctly so before I begin I want to recap how I understand the question you are asking. Fair enough. Then I will answer your question according to that understanding.

I believe what you are saying is that you have been in a relationship for two years with the same man and he had promised to marry you. Now, however, he does not want to get married and he is acting differently toward you yet still telling you that he loves you. You are praying that he comes back and marries you and you want to know how to use positive thinking and affirmations to mend this relationship.

If I am understanding this question correctly this is my best advice.

Experience has taught me that when someone truly loves you and wants to be with you, they are. There are exceptions as with any rule in life. In this situation there could be two exceptions. I have been on both sides of all three of these scenarios so I know what I speak. I can not pretend to know the heart of the man you speak of, but if he does truly love you there are two other factors to consider. One being that he is self sabotaging and does not feel worthy of love (this is rare) and two being that sometimes love is just not enough.

We like to think that love concurs all, but forever is a huge commitment and it must be considered carefully. Marriage is not just about love, but also about compatibility, passion, compassion, common interests, common goals, common wants and needs. For marriage to work all must be present in the relationship in some form. Just because you love someone does not mean that they are right for you. I am guessing if this man was truly in love with you then this is probably the case. Again I can not pretend to know the man you speak of. I can only talk from my personal experience.

With all of that said any one of these scenarios tells me it is time to let go and to move on. You deserve more. You deserve to be loved fully and without hesitation. I apologize because I know this is sometimes hard to hear and I am sure it is not the answer you where looking for. I will however help you in the direction of that journey the best I can.

As far as using positive thinking and affirmations to mend this troubled relationship, the best thing I can do for you is to give you affirmations that remind you that you are worthy of a great love, that you are worth it and that loving yourself must come first.

Positive thinking is all about finding beauty all around you and marveling in it. Throughout our lives we will hit some walls and we will fall on hard times, this is the Law of Rythym at its best ( a time for all things). It is up to you how much time and energy you give to those things in relationship to all the grandness that surrounds you. It is up to you weather or not you will ride the tides of life with dignity or if you fight them and allow them to pull you under.

Here are some affirmations you may find helpful:

I am a loving and understanding person who deserves to be loved and understood.

I give love there for I receive love.

I am a strong and independent women worthy of love.

I am perfect as I am and in this perfection I find love.

I love me.

I am beautiful inside and out.

I am positive and full of love and that attracts others to me.

I am love.

I hope these affirmations will help you. It is best to recite them in front of the mirror and really tell yourself these things. I also encourage you to write down everything that you like about yourself and really concentrate on what you have to offer as a person.

P.S.

I am inviting our readers to comment as well so that they may share some insight, wisdom and experience as well. I wish you all the best in life and love.


Comments for about my marriage
(using positive thinking and affirmations in a troubled relationship)

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Jun 08, 2010
Be careful of what you ask for...
by: Stacey

Hi Veena,

I think the advice you were given was good, but I'd like to ask you something that I would ask my own friend, if she were experiencing the same thing.

Veena, do you REALLY want to spend your life with someone who isn't completely and totally in love with you? Do you want to always worry if you are the woman who this man really wants to spend his life with?

Positive thinking really does work, but do you really want to focus all of your energy for a man who does not do everything in his power to be with you?

Stop and think about it for a moment, when a man is in love, he will do ANYTHING to be with the woman he loves. Actions speak much louder than words. If he is not ACTING like is he is in love with you, then maybe he doesn't deserve your love, your energy and your affirmations... But you do...

You deserve to have the kind of love you see in the movies.... If you spend all of your energy on someone who doesn't want to give you that kind of love, then how will you ever get it?

I wish you well Veena,

Stacey


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